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Friday, November 1, 2013 · Posted in ,


This is not a new song, I know. But I just randomly listened to this song and made me want to write this post.

Yesterday was another day of his battle with his family. To fight for what he wants, to be with the person he wants to be with. Their final answer was still no. Then he came to me, asked for a hug.

I was not in a really good mood yesterday. And I blamed him for ruining my mood. I should have known he needs a support. I should have known he needs someone to hold on to. But I wasn't that person yesterday.

He was in his darkest day, and I made it even darker. He said his battles after all these times are pointless. He has no more place to go and there's no point of living anymore. Then I suddenly realized how dumb I am to start a fight in such situation. And he cried in my arms.

It was like a big slap on my face. I felt like not being thankful enough for having a guy who has gone through everything just to be with me, to take every risks that I know must be uneasy but still gone through it.

So, really..
I don't wish to be who I was yesterday. Never again.
I want him to always feels home in me.
I want to be home.

Sawasdee-Ka !

Wednesday, August 21, 2013 · Posted in

Since I haven't had my blog updated for quite a long time, I decided to post my vacation in Bangkok last month. :))

Despite of its night city life where you can find prostitutes easily as you step out of your hotel, Bangkok was a nice place to visit. Their Grand Palace and The Temple of Reclining Buddha stunned me a lot for seeing such a huge and beautiful place. It worth my every penny there. Also the Madame Tussaud was a nice place to take a lot of fun pictures (if you are thinking to go there, purchase the ticket online to get 50% off the ticket price). The stuff were effing cheap that I wanted to buy everything but I couldn't because I couldn't bring 'em all.

What surprised me was Bangkok is full of pork. I went to 7 Eleven to buy instant noodles, they were all pork. The fried rice they sold were also pork. I went to Food Republic, there were pork. And what surprised me more was when I went to one McD stall, they sold pork porridge. But even so, I still saw so many Pakistani in Bangkok. Such a good place to see how people can blend in diversity.


















Now I Believe You Do

Wednesday, June 19, 2013 · Posted in ,

Picture from Tumblr


I don't know what always makes me doubt when someone loves me. Maybe because I don't love myself enough so I find it hard to believe when someone says they love me (deeply).

So last week was a tough week. When we've prepared several things for our marriage, his parents started out a problem. We have tried our best to talk and explain everything. We have done everything we need to do. We have sent the most touching text we need to say. And his parents didn't touched at all. His parents even told him to leave me that made him really mad. Even when he had explained that he would never marry anyone else because he has never feel something this deep before. He explained that even everyone is telling how happy he is when he is with me. But still they didn't care. Nothing seemed can really change his parents' mind. He started to look depressed, and disappointed, and upset. He felt like running away, he couldn't eat, and held his anger and disappointment for weeks.

But just like a time bomb, everything has its own time. So yesterday he went home after sending some texts begging his parents to understand but apparently they didn't. And he got no strength to do shalat because everything seems impossible. And he started to cry like a child that his mom has to put him on her lap and told him to calm down. Something that his mom never seen in the last 20 years in his life. Something that he never did in the last 20 years. And he begged his mom to understand that he never loved anyone as much as he does.

And that makes me shiver that I can't even say anything when he told me. That I never thought a guy that I always complained for his lack of expressions could do such thing because he loves me. That just.. well simply wash my insecurities and doubts away. That makes me believe that he had never loved anyone else as much as he does now. :')

Thank you, you for loving me more than I deserve. :')

How Would You Know ?

Thursday, March 21, 2013 · Posted in ,


Picture from here


How do you know he is the one ? How do I know the guy I choose is the one ?

You will know.

But not that soon.

Not as soon when he chased you even he was engaged (even when you actually know he admires you for years). It could be he was just trying to flirt around. But you say.. see ! he didn't back off even a bit. He arranged so many meetings just so you two can meet. He texted you a lot. Well, okay. But that still didn't mean anything.

Then by any reasons, he broke up with his fiancee. But still, you couldn't tell he is the one yet. Then you two are in a relationships. Being in a relationships is easy, he likes you, you like him, then you two have a date. You still couldn't tell he is the one.

But then his friends started to tell you that he never look as happy as this before. His friends started to tell you that for the first time he seems really in love. But hey, maybe it was just a honeymoon phase. So let's not to exaggerate about it. Because as time goes by, you two will face obstacles. There's no guarantee the butterflies in your tummy will keep alive (besides, you know you are not an easy person to be with).

Then you two dated for years. He was still as sweet as before. He texted you everyday and every time (even when he was busy watching his favorite match on TV), he said he loves you every day, and stuff like that. He told you about his dream to marry you and to spend his life with you. He wanted to be happy with you.

But then here comes the exciting (well, not really) part. His family disapproved you two by any reasons. Then you can clearly see how much he loves you. He couldn't sleep well, he couldn't smile, he couldn't think, he lost his spirit to work because you are the only reason he works that hard just so he can marry you. He was on his lowest point of life. He said how he understand why some people remain unmarried, because he started to think that way if he couldn't make it to be with you. He told you that he had been in too deep he wouldn't wanna anyone else but you.

Then you would lost your patience to wait for the situation to change. You wanted to leave but you can't. Because apparently, being deeply loved by someone really feels so good. He begged his family. He told them how special you are, how different you are with others he had ever known, how in love he is with you, how he could go insane if he loses you, how you become the reason of his happiness.

Then you will know.

You will know that he is the one. You will know as you see how ones can struggle that hard and that far for you. You know he is the one, because he makes you the one, as well.

That's how I know he is the one.
He proves it.

Another Sad Chapter

· Posted in ,

You know the moment when you think you're that close to the finish line, then they pulled you and you're heading nowhere again. Here goes another heart break.


Him : I woke up at 3 in the morning last night.
Me : And ?
Him : Tried to distract my thoughts with playing Cut The Rope. But I can't distract the thoughts. It's eating me.
Me : I know.
Him : You know. One of my brother in law decided to remain unmarried because he failed to get married with her ex. He quit his job and he decide to be a truck driver. And I understand why he did it now.
Me : Why ?
Him :What makes you hold on this long ?
Me : I don't know.
Him :Why you don't know ?
Me : I don't know. I'm not sure anymore. You ?
Him : I don't know about you. But I really feel that I can't love anyone else but you anymore. I tried to imagine myself without you, I tried to imagine I'm being with someone else. And I can't.
Me : Why ?
Him : Because I've loved you that much.
Me : :')
Him : It's just hard to imagine marrying someone else, living with someone else I don't love, and have to have sex with them. I can't even erect I bet.
Me : Dafuq ?
Him : Seriously. I just can't. I don't know about you. You might can leave me like that. You seemed too logical that makes you think like 'so his parents disapprove us, then hell with it. I'll marry someone else' You can do it. I can't.
Me : Hehe. :"> Why ?
Him : Do you believe the term that 'we've been in too deep ?'  
Me : -____- Of course.
Him : That's exactly what I'm feeling. I've been too deep. You're all that I want. I don't give a damn what people are talking about you because I really like you.
Me : Who's talking about me ?
Him : I mean like my parents. They might don't understand you. But I do. I understand you. I listened to The Woman I Love by Jason Mraz this morning and that's exactly what I feel. I love you the way you are. I don't even care when you wake up at 11 and yada yada.
Me : Hehe :">
Him : I know I might sound self-centered by putting you in such a hard situation. I tried to learn to let you go, but there's no chance I would wanna let you go. I don't want you to go. I want you, I want to be with you. I know it might takes time for us to finally we can be totally spend our time together, but eventually we will. It just a matter of time. 


And so I finally believe when they say ' being deeply loved by someone give you strength', and here I am to try again.

Vanilla Twilight

Monday, January 7, 2013 · Posted in ,



Olla !
Just went back from Kuala Lumpur few days ago.
Well, this is my 6th times there so what makes it more exciting this time was because I went there with my BF. *blushes*

It's just cute remembering how I plan to live there few years ago but then I canceled it (because of him) and managed to had a holiday together with him. :3

Well, my last trip was fun. Selama ini tiep liburan semuanya terorganisir dengan baik. I never used public transportation, selalu make van atau taksi dan ga pernah bener-bener tau jalan karena taunya cuma naik taksi trus sampe. And that was not really my kind of holiday. I always want a trip di mana bawa duit cuma dikit, trus nyari jalan sampe nyasar. Well yeah, sounds weird but it just feels more fun to me. :)) So this time I quite made it. Refused to took taxi or van and insisted to use bus or public transportation. Yeah, sedikit banyak mirip seperti apa yang dipengenin lah walaupun belum survival-survival amat liburannya. But I'm still really waiting towards a trip where I can totally go backpacking everywhere. :))

 
Oh, btw I picked Sky Express Hotel this time. It's a new built hotel and the room was awesome. It has 7 Eleven next to the hotel so we can sneaked out at 2 A.M to had Noodles. :3




My new year eve was sweet. Muka dan kepala abis disembur-sembur. Baju dan sepatu kena noda pink bekas semprotan yang nempel ga mau ilang ( T_T ), but it was worth it to have a peck on the cheek from your loved ones greeting you happy new year. Such a sweet way to celebrate new year. :p



I got this keychain from him, anyway. Pretty cute to make me feel like a 13 y/o. :))




And lastly, dear you, I might have quite bugged you last year, but I really promise I'll continue it again this year. :))) Anyways, happy new year and have a fun-filled year ahead, people.  <3 br="br">

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